This is in response to the incidents that have happened over the last couple of years with James Holmes (movie theater shooter), Adam Lanza and the Sandy Hook Elementary tragedy, the Boston Bombings, etc.

I focus my anti-bullying community with the mission and vision statement that we should be “proactive, rather than to be reactive” – in the bullying world, this means that we need to be aware of our surroundings and we need to step up and take action before a tragedy takes place, and we are therefore forced to react to it. I believe the same thing should be a part of our awareness for mental health issues.

Sadly, we have become a complacent and narcissistic society, where we keep to ourselves and look at people with disgust when they do something out of the ordinary. When someone goes on a shooting spree, we are flabbergasted and have no idea what just happened. How can loved ones be that ignorant? How can someone be so internally damaged, that NO ONE takes notice of it, until it’s too late??

There are always signs. We just tend to ignore them or tell people to “suck it up” or “get over it” when someone has a bad day or makes a rant on Facebook/Twitter or goes on an emotional downward spiral. We need to stop doing that. We need to be more aware of our neighbors and take action when we see signs that our friends are not doing so well. Signs such as; failing grades, shabby appearance (not caring what one looks like), losing weight, gaining weight, isolation, depression, sadness, excessive crying, not getting out of bed, not attending activities they once enjoyed, drinking or doing drugs, etc. There are multiple signs that people show us, but because they have not verbalized that they need help, we tend to leave them alone because we do not want to get involved.

Let me tell you something about asking for help. It is one of the hardest things to do, even when you need it the most. People who have a mental illness (including myself, who suffers from depression) generally do not ask for help because they do not want to become a burden to someone else. Instead, we act out and then people get upset or assume we are purposely causing drama. This is true for people who are mentally AND physically sick. It is so hard to swallow our pride and ask for help, so we do things to get attention, HOPING that someone may take notice.

Humanity is defined as the quality of being humane; kindness; benevolence. We are failing terribly at this. Our economy is failing, and unemployment is high, which leads to depression and hopelessness. Instead of having more services for people who need it for their overall mental health, services are being cut out or they have diminished completely. Where do people go for help now? If they are stable enough, they turn to one another. If they are not stable enough to ask for help, sometimes they snap. Everyone has a breaking point. Shouldn’t we be more aware of the red flags before that happens?

People who go on these shooting sprees and/or bombings need to be held accountable (in my personal opinion). I am so sick of the mental illness plea. Every time someone actually gets off on that plea, it allows someone else to get away with murder, when they really should have gotten help before a tragedy even began to take place. We have failed a lot of people who have used the mentally ill defense. Using that plea puts a negative connotation on those of us who suffer from one form of mental illness or another, and those who struggle with the disease every day (and yes, mental illness IS a disease). We (most of us) do not go out on shooting sprees, or drown our children, or go half-cocked and hold people as hostages while we get the attention we crave.

This brings me to my point. What SHOULD we be doing for our friends, loved ones, co-workers and colleagues who show signs of depression, physical sickness, or some sort of mental health disorder? We take notice of the red flags and we offer our love, our support and we are compassionate to their needs. Sometimes all it takes is a pat on the back, a smile, or a hug to let someone know that they are not alone in whatever dilemma they may be facing. Show more tact. Do not make fun of others or patronize those who struggle with something you may not understand. Educate yourselves. Make some time out of your busy schedule to let someone know that your door is open to them. They might not know that, unless you tell them specifically. Have the important conversations with your children. Be their parent, and not their friend. Make the rules and stick to them.

Be proactive, and not reactive. We are all angry now with what James has done to the families in Colorado, the victims of Sandy Hook, and the bombings in Boston. We’ve been praying for the families, and we have been talking with our own children because they have so many questions that we cannot fully answer. We are sad and we are angry and rightly so.

Look at your neighbor (your friends, family and loved ones). Don’t let what happened to James or Adam (or other people who have snapped and lost complete control) happen to them or to you. Take action now. Help someone reach their potential, rather than shaking your head when they go off the deep end.

Humanity starts at home.