This is my personal commentary on being a victim. These are my thoughts, with some evidence from research. I am a person who tries to see both sides of an issue. I stand up for victims of bullies, and I help raise awareness about mental health disorders, but I also have a different viewpoint on being a victim and how to get out of that mentality. I can say these things because I have been a victim and I have experienced all of the feelings and trauma that is associated with it. However, I have chosen not to be a victim anymore, and I have chosen to live my life in a healthy and productive way. It all comes down to the choices we make.

The one thing I want to make clear throughout this post, is that I do understand what people feel and I can completely empathize. Please do not think I am a callous cold hearted woman with the things I am about to say. I am the complete opposite. I just think there comes a time when we stop thinking that the world is against us, and we choose to stand up for ourselves.

We know what being a victim is. It’s about feeling hopeless and helpless in situations that have occurred in our lives. Whether it be because we have faced a trauma in our lives, or because someone has hurt us (emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, etc), we tend to feel depressed and we whine about how life in general sucks.

We see and hear about people committing suicide, because they are so depressed that they see no other way out of a situation. This breaks my heart. It DOES get better, but only YOU can make it better. We need to stop putting the blame on other people, on how we feel. Eleanor Roosevelt was right, when she said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

It’s a given in our society that some people are just plain mean. It’s been researched as to why people are mean, and really there is nothing WE can do to MAKE someone stop being mean to us. We can talk until we are blue in the face, but it’s the choices THEY are making about how THEY act, and all WE can do, is control how WE handle it.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t feel the way that we do sometimes, because in reality, life can just be hard. What I am saying, is that after a while, it’s time to say, “You know what? I don’t deserve this. I deserve to be happy, and I’m going to BE happy.”

I realize it all comes down to a person’s self esteem, and their determination and drive. A person has to like themselves first, in order for others to like them. I also realize that this can be a difficult path to take. I am 44 years old, and I have had many negative experiences and trauma in my life. I have depression and anxiety and there were two times in my early life, that I tried to commit suicide. I was brought up in a controlling home, I was physically and mentally abused by past boyfriends, and I was raped in college. All of these things, plus being adopted (at the age of 5), living in foster care for the early years of my life and not knowing my biological family has caused me to have depression for most of my life.

I’m not saying these things to make you feel sorry for me. I’m saying these things so you will know that I DO understand what you are facing, or what you have faced in the past. However, I do not consider myself a victim anymore. I consider myself to be a survivor. It has taken me until NOW to realize that it’s up to me to be happy. No one else can make me happy. I can finally let go of my past, and look forward to my future.

How does one decide to do this? Through therapy, talking things out, journaling, sharing your stories with others, making positive decisions, knowing what coping skills to use, and being an active participant in your own life. Help others with their situations (which is what I am doing with this community, because in all honesty, it is completely therapeutic for me). Ignore the bullies who make fun of you and throw them away as people you do not need in your life. Stop giving them ammunition to bully you more, because the more you react, the more they will do it. (This is all about mental abuse, and not physical abuse…reacting to that is completely different, and I am well aware of that).

I have seen the acronym on face book “FML” too many times to count. It frustrates me, because I do not believe someone’s ENTIRE life should be summed up that way. Unless you are a tornado victim (as we have seen the horrific pictures on the news), you live in a third world country, or you have no home (no shelter, no family, no income, no friends), then you really shouldn’t be posting about how incredibly horrible your life is. It could be worse.

** (I’m NOT talking about the ones who are currently being bullied and are for asking for help, or have suicidal thoughts.  I totally want to help them, because they are actively asking and are wanting to do something different. I’m talking about the other people, who just sit around and complain) **

DO SOMETHING, rather than to sit there and complain about it. You CAN make changes, and you CAN feel better about your life and your circumstances. I am proof of that.

With everything I have been through, I am a happily married woman with two beautiful children. I have an education (which I am pursuing further) and I have friends and family who love me. What could be better than that? What do I really have to complain about?

Think about it. There ARE ways to change your life. Take an active part in your own life.

Be happy. You can do it. I have faith in you.


Thank you.


~Amy~