It is so hard to figure out what to do when we are being bullied, or if our children are being bullied. Here are some suggestions of what to do if this is happening.
One thing that I stress over and over is DOCUMENTATION. This is so important to remember. A lot of times, we tend to forget the little things, or we get all frustrated when trying to explain a situation to someone, that we get the details wrong. So, it’s important to document what is happening. Get a journal, and write down EVERYTHING, even if it seems to be a tiny detail. Put it in there. Document who, what, where, time, place, what was said and done, who it was reported to, how it was handled or not handled, and what you plan on doing next. If you have to go so far as to make your voice heard with the school board or the police, then you will have the documentation handy. Also…cell phones are a great thing to have around. You can video tape what is being done and said, and you have pictures to back you up. Gathering the facts is essential.
Here is the chain command that you should report to - if one doesn't respond, then move on to the next one, but do not give up.
1. Report to the teacher or bus driver
2. Report to the principal - let him/her know what is going on immediately
3. Report to the Superintendent - if principal doesn’t do anything
4. Report to the school board - if no one is doing anything
5. Take to the police 6. Take to the media (Radio, newspapers, TV reporters) - schools do NOT like to look negative in the public.
If bullying is occurring, students should try to stay in a group or walk with someone else whenever there is little to no supervision (Bathrooms, hallways, playgrounds and lunchrooms).
If bullying is occurring, then please do something - step up and intervene (in a non-threatening way), or go find a trusted adult. There is a difference between TATTLING and TELLING. Tattling involves wanting to get someone into trouble purposely. Telling involves telling someone that something is not right - that you are being hurt or abused. TELLING could save a life.
Do NOT ignore the bullying!! We want students and parents to become proactive, rather than reactive. This means to step up and take action before the bullying leads to something more serious. We (as a society) tend to react when we hear stories of students being bullied to death....when kids take their own lives because they can no longer handle the torture of going to school everyday. Being proactive will help avoid those situations because we will put a stop to it before it goes further.
TIPS FOR PARENTS
Gather the parents together who believe that this needs to stop and together, go to the school and school board. Make your voices heard! There is power in numbers.
Know your district's anti-bullying policy and refer to it when speaking to school officials. Know your state's laws as well. Be KNOWLEDGEABLE.
Become a permanent fixture in the schools. Be a room monitor or helper, have lunch with your child, observe in the classroom or hallways. The more adults that stand around with a watchful eye, the better that the bullying will stop. Ride the bus with your child if you have the time to do so.
** This is a hard one ** - Please do NOT confront the individual who is bullying your child, or the parent of the child who is being the bully. I know most people will disagree with this, but with the research I have found, and in my own bullying advocacy, I have learned that this is not appropriate because it adds to the problem. GOOD parents want to protect their children, so when your child comes home with bumps and bruises, your first reaction is to want to kick someone's butt. That's understandable. However, you might run into that parent who thinks that their kid can do no wrong, or the parent who is a bully themselves, and you end up with a massive power struggle. Now your kid, and the bully will see an argument develop between you (the parents) and they will see that it's ok to fight because well, let's face...you're doing it. Make sense?
Be the role model. Teach your child that it's not ok to fight. It's not ok to bully, harass, threaten, abuse, manipulate, scare, or anything negative toward another human being.
ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY
Most people will say that schools need a zero tolerance policy. It looks great and sounds great on paper, but this is what it really means:
Joe is getting bullied by Bob. Joe doesn't tell anyone for awhile, and tries to take care of it on his own. Bob continues to bully Joe, and Joe finally decides to tell someone. He tells the bus driver or his teacher, who NEVER documents the bullying taking place (so there is no record of it). Joe has enough, and one day when Bob is hitting him and punching him in the face, Joe decides to fight back and punches Bob in the face. As this happens, the principal or another teacher comes down the hallway, and sees Joe knock Bob down to the floor. Now both boys are fighting. Both boys are taken to the principal's office, and because there is a zero tolerance for bullying, BOTH boys are suspended.
Is that fair? Joe should never be punished for standing up for himself and fighting back, but because no one actually took him seriously and documented his complaint, he is now in trouble as well. It's not a good policy.
Other things that could be helpful…
Develop a task force in school - a group of kids and parents who want to make a difference. Make posters about bullying and sources of information to get help.
Involve the community - create a partnership with the school and community (churches, youth groups, businesses, etc).
Be aware of who your children are hanging out with, and what they are doing. Be proactive and always know what, who, when, where and why they are doing something.
Communicate with your children positively - get them counseling if needed, so they can manage their feelings. Mental health issues and bullying go hand in hand.
DON’T EVER GIVE UP
Websites to help with bullying situations:
http://www.bulliesout.com/
http://www.beatbullying.org/
http://www.stompoutbullying.org/
http://www.stopbullying.gov/
http://www.pacer.org/bullying/
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