My personal commentary about communicating with our children

I believe that as parents and caregivers, we need to be more pro-active and communicate more effectively with our children. We need to have the heavy discussions with them, no matter if it makes us feel uncomfortable. Not only do we need to discuss the issues of bullying and suicide, but there are many other topics that we need to take responsibility in teaching our children. Topics such as puberty, body development, hormone changes, stress in school, peer pressure, drugs, sex, abstinence, birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, relationships, death and grief, etc.

I say this, because too many times children learn about these things the wrong way. They learn by experimenting, or by someone in school. They don't always get the correct information. When your child asks an important question on these topics, don't just blow them off. Don't assume that they should know these things, or that someone else will tell them and will provide the correct information. WE are their parent. WE need to communicate with them.

We do not always need to be friends with our children. We need to be parents first. Children need to be taught discipline (I'm not talking about consequences in discipline. I mean behaving in an appropriate way and doing what is right), structure and guidance. We should guide them to be the people we would like for them to be. Sure, they will make mistakes and make the wrong choices in life sometimes, but that is also a learning experience. We are here to guide them and make sure that if they fall, we are there to pick them up. If my child tells me that he/she hates me, then I am doing my job. Hearing those things may hurt me, but quite frankly, it means that I'm doing the parent thing the way I'm supposed to, rather than letting my child do whatever he/she wants. Being friends with our children should come later, when they are old enough and mature enough to handle the difference.

When my daughter was 10 years old I had the puberty discussion with her, which included how her body was changing, hormones and the changing of her feelings. It wasn't something I really wanted to do, because in my eyes, she was still just a little girl. However, her body was telling us both something different, and I figured it was time for me to have that discussion with her, so that she was prepared when things start changing more drastically. She is now 12 and puberty has really hit her hard, but she was ready for it with the discussions we had when she was younger. She asks me questions and we talk as openly as she needs to. She is now interested in boys, so we've had deeper discussions about those topics. The door to communication is always open between us, and I hope this continues as she hits her teenage years.

My son was 6 when he asked me how babies come out. He thought it was weird that babies are in a mother's tummy and wanted to know how they came out specifically. I actually explained to him both about vaginal births, and C-sections. He thought it was gross, but he was also interested enough to stay and listen to me. He asked a lot of questions, and I answered the best that I could, in a language and tone he could understand. I didn't think it would be appropriate for me to shrug off his questions and tell him he would know those things when he got older. My son has OCD (Obessive/Compulsive Disorder) and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) so telling him that would only make his curiosity stronger. I would much rather that I be the one to tell him those things, than for him to ask someone who would not give him the right information. He is now 8 years old and the questions seem to get a little bit harder to answer, but we do so because it's the right thing to do...in the language that he will understand.

But I digress....

What all of this boils down to, is the fact that we must communicate with our children and have those important discussions, because when the time comes when something more serious develops (such as bullying), they will know that that they can come to us. The suicide rate has increased because some of those individuals did not talk to anyone about their issues and their feelings. They just took their lives without any communication whatsoever. I want my children to be able to talk to me about anything, and in order for them to be able to do that, I need to make them feel that I will listen and hear everything they have to say without bias, and I will help to guide them in the right direction. This doesn't necessarily mean that I will like what they have to say, but I do need to listen.

We are our children's parent, teacher, and mentor. We need to grasp the teachable moments and be positive role models. It starts with us.

~Amy~